Many brides spend months planning their weddings. Some spend years dreaming of that glorious day. And if you think that they don’t spend just as much time imagining how their first wedding night will go, you’re wrong. Many men spend more time thinking about the nuptial night than the actual wedding, so the expectations are high on both sides.

Unfortunately, those are unfulfilled expectations after most wedding nights play out. According to a survey of 1,000 couples conducted by the lingerie experts at Bluebella, almost all women purchase lingerie for their wedding night but fewer than half of them actually have sex on that night. The lack of sex is just one area where disappointment may kick in if you don’t put your expectations into perspective.

Weddings are Bigger, Better & More Exhausting

The idea that the bride and groom should spend their first wedding night romping between the sheets with enthusiasm comes from outdated traditions. There was a time when consummating the wedding was the only way to make the vows official. It was the final act in the wedding ceremony, but you had to perform it in private for modesty’s sake.

Times have changed, and wedding traditions have shifted dramatically. Yet, there is still this expectation that wild sex is going down on the nuptial night. The fact that it doesn’t happen for most couples has nothing to do with how much they love one another. It often comes down to how modern weddings are conducted.

Weddings are now long processes that typically include the vow ceremony followed by an upbeat reception with music, food, and a large venue full of loved ones begging for time with the happy couple. The bride and groom often wake up early to start preparing for this mega event, and the party can extend into the wee hours of the night for some couples.

Bubbles are flying in the air. Doves are sometimes released into the wild. Some couples put on elaborate choreographed performances rather than doing the traditional first slow dance. Destination weddings may incorporate stunning beach views, campfires and a variety of exotic experiences.

Is it any wonder that more than half of today’s newlyweds are too exhausted to have sex? Since this is no longer a requirement to declare the happy couple “husband and wife,” it’s something that many couples simply don’t have the energy to do regardless of their pre-wedding expectations and dreams.

Other Modern Dilemmas

You may drop a sizable chunk of your wedding budget on food for the reception, but that doesn’t mean that you and your spouse are going to eat much of that food. It’s common for the bride and groom to enter the reception famished because they haven’t eaten all day, and then the interruptions begin. After all of the required dances and an endless line of well-wishers to greet and thank, you’re likely to return to your honeymoon suite even more famished.

Your first phone call as a married couple is likely to be room service. You’re ready to eat, but not so fast. First you have to get out of your wedding gown, which often means impatiently holding your bladder while your new spouse tries to manipulate a long string of tiny buttons and clasps with big, manly fingers. By the time that dress hits the floor, you’re probably feeling gritty after a long day of sweat, champagne, and happy tears. It’s not exactly sexy.

Are you starting to lose hope for a nuptial night that you’ll remember for a lifetime? There’s only one thing that you can look forward to with (almost) certainty: spending your first wedding night next to your new spouse. Perhaps you won’t spend that night as originally expected, but you will enjoy that night with one of the most important people in your life. That will make it memorable for a lifetime regardless of what happens.